Click on the titles below to go directly to the articles.
1. Breaking the Habit: teaching your brain to stop ineffective patterns
2. Employee Motivation: More Than a Box of Doughnuts
3. The Soul Sense: Trusting Your Intuitive Voice
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Breaking the Habit: teaching your brain to stop ineffective patterns
By Dao H. Mai, MBA
Everyday, as I sit at my computer, typing madly away, my eyes will inevitably drop to the dark scorch marks that have taken permanent residence on my once flawless wrists. Then I will let out a heavy sigh—not because I had dreams of becoming a hand model, but because these blatant scars are constant reminders of my annoying habit—forgetting to pull out the oven rack before I reach for the hot pan!
Yes, I am one of those people. The ones, who never learn, and will repeat a stupid deed over and over and over again. The very same people, whom I complain about, while shaking my head and rolling my eyes. But what brings me solace is, like it or not, each one of us is those people.
We all have them; whether it’s constantly burning your hand on the burner of a 350°F oven or being sucked into, yet another, moot argument with a fellow co-worker, like a dust bunny into a vacuum hose. We are all plagued with unpleasant patterns we would like to change.
What is a pattern?
When I say pattern I am referring to a responsive action to a particular stimulus. I do not equate pattern to behavior or personality. Behavior or personality is multifaceted and permeates every level of our being—the essence of who we are. In contrast, patterns are created by us. They are specific, occurring in singular moments in space and time. Thus, patterns are easier to modify. Where as, it is very difficult and unfair to expect a behavioral or personality change, either from yourself or anyone else.
That is why I am focusing on patterns, in particular, ineffective patterns (well, why change productive patterns)? Just so we’re are on the same page: any action you take that causes you grief, pain, frustration, scars(!) or makes you want to grind a piece of aluminum between your teeth is an ineffective pattern.
Our lives are cluttered with these negative patterns. They can be benign, like, always turning in your timesheet late or detrimental, say, engaging in draining confrontations with co-workers. Whatever the situation or problem, we are all cognizant of the damaging circumstances that can potentially erupt when certain ineffective patterns remain uncensored.
Okay, so we realize the adverse effects. We know that at times, if we don’t adjust our course, we will suffer the consequences. We know, we know, we know…then why do we continually flutter straight into these traps like a moth to a blazing 100 watt light bulb? Alas, we are creatures of habit that tend to repeat our mistakes, no matter how frustrating or painful. And each time a pattern is repeated, our brains will produce a stronger habitual response, making it more difficult to alter the pattern.
Taking a look at the brain
To attempt a clearer picture, let’s briefly discuss that fascinating glob of white and gray matter we call the brain (once in a while the geeky science side of me surfaces in my writings in hopes of impressing my readers). Each human brain has an estimated 100,000,000,000 brain cells, or neurons. Each neuron consists of several tentacles (a.k.a. dendrites) that extend throughout the brain creating a complicated maze of overlapping and interwoven branching pathways.
Studies have shown that when we perform a task or produce a thought, a portion of these billions of neurons associated with that task will become active. Each neuron in this active area may receive hundreds of thousands of messages, in the form of biochemical impulses, every second. The impulses sift through the dense maze in search of the path of least resistance.
Seeing the forest through the trees
Once created, this path, referred to as a memory trace, will be forever associated with that particular function. Every time the task is performed the resistance along the memory trace is reduced, until a clear direct path is created. It’s like bushwhacking through a dense forest. The first time is difficult as you painfully push aside branches and stomp down underbrush. But after the hundredth time, the path is unobstructed and much easier to traverse.
The memory trace associated with the thought or action is the pattern we establish. Once it’s embedded through repetition, then it becomes difficult to modify. For the most part, the brain’s pattern formation process is an evolutionary bonus. It will quickly develop patterns of recognition so you don’t have to constantly relearn new concepts, like finding your way to a new job without getting lost. But this process that directs you to work on time is also the same one that will steer you straight into the ever present barricade of ineffective patterns.
When the brain forms patterns, it doesn’t distinguish between the good or the bad. It merely processes and retains information received through our actions. If we tend to lead life in a pessimistic and distrustful manner then the patterns that develop will be negative and unproductive. As a result, this will adversely affect us, as well as others, especially when we are in leadership roles.
Leaders and mangers should be particularly aware of their management patterns because they set the precedence when it comes to managing and guiding others. They are the key decision makers and mentors who set patterns for others to follow. Thus, if the pattern is negative, then the team will undoubtedly follow that lead.
Three steps to changing bad patterns
So once a bad pattern is set, are we doomed to remain in that perpetual cycle ineffective repetition? No, not at all, but it does take some determination and self awareness in order to change the course of the pathway. At times this can be intimidating because it seems too overwhelming. But that’s because we often associate the change with a colossal behavioral modification or we feel dejected when miraculous changes do not quickly manifest.
It is best to focus on the more manageable intermediary steps, not the discouraging giant leaps to achieve success. Thus, the goal is to simply a) want a change, b) recognize the pattern and c) halt the pattern.
Let’s start with a) the want. Change will only take place when the individual wants to change. Any attempts of coercion, bribery or shame will not be a catalyst for change. Let’s say your ineffective pattern is an interpersonal conflict with another person. Despite what the other continues to do or say, you must want to change in order to break the pattern.
Next step b) the recognition. There are two stages to this step: retrospective recognition and real-time recognition. Retrospective is evaluating the pattern after it occurs—preferably, in a calm space without distractions. For example, you would need to recall the previous confrontations with the other person and try to identify your specific response to the other person’s actions. Undoubtedly, as you analyze the confrontations, you will begin to see a recurring theme.
Once you are able to identify patterns retrospectively, the neurons in your brain begin to create a new memory trace of this awareness. Then during real-time interactions with this person, you will be able to identify certain ineffective actions or thoughts that are occurring for you in the moment. Even though you are in the heat of conflict, you will have an awareness that is slowly deepening. The more often you raise the awareness, the more the memory trace is set and will help you blaze the trails for the last step.
Finally, moving to step c) halting the pattern. Halting the pattern not only entails a discontinuation of the emotional reactive response but also bypassing it with a more productive one. For example, while in conflict, you become aware that you will take the same old ineffective pattern when your buttons your pushed. But you stop!—and derail the situation by doing something completely different. If you’re expected to raise your voice, then suddenly whisper. If you’re expected to frown and disagree, smile and say, “Wow, you’re right!” The more extraordinary—but effective—the action, the easier it will be for your neurons to dissociate from the old negative pattern and form a new productive one.
Recognizing and halting ineffective patterns is a process in which the success depends on the degree of understanding and commitment to the progression of each step. As stated earlier, expecting swift miraculous changes will only disappoint. It takes time (and self awareness) to reform or halt patterns. The more ingrained or long-standing the pattern, then the more time required to change it. But in the end, you will find the results overwhelmingly satisfying.
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Employee Motivation: More Than a Box of Doughnuts
By Dao H. Mai, MBA
It’s been a difficult week. Not only did your department’s sales miss their mark, but droves of difficult customers spun through the revolving doors like a thundering tornado downing everything in its path. In the quiet calm after the storm—you quickly assess the disastrous scene around you. Clothes and merchandise are strewn on the display tables and under racks. Judging from the staff’s expressions, it’s painfully clear that employee morale hangs lower than the frowns on their faces.
This isn’t the first time nor will it be the last time your department has reached this level of dejection. As you stand in the middle of your ground zero pondering ways to elevate morale, your store manager suddenly appears.
Fresh from his motivational seminar, he beams his pearly whites and says, “How can we get these sales numbers up? Let’s make a deal. When your numbers are 5% above last year’s, I’ll treat your department to doughnuts!”
Before you can respond, he floats away in an ignorant sunny bliss while you stand there in the darken cloud of his offer. Doughnuts? Did he just say doughnuts? Wow, if that was what he learned in the last management course, then it was a complete waste of company time.
Perhaps it is good that you didn’t respond. You’d be forced to tell him that although the doughnuts are a nice gesture, half your staff is on a low-carb diet, one is diabetic and the rest prefer scones! So instead of energizing your staff, his lackluster motivational attempt would have sent them spiraling into pits of despair.
If the above scenario—a true story, by the way—leaves you smirking or chagrined, then you have experienced a similar fate. Undoubtedly, we all have been on the giving or receiving end of an offer that either fails to motivate or just plain insults. How does this happen? Why do so many offers to motivate fall short? The answer may be simpler than you think.
When a reward fails to inspire it’s usually the wrong type of incentive. So, instead of tossing in the towel and never again rewarding ‘that ungrateful staff,’ consider this: Dangling a carrot on a stick will make a donkey pull the cart but a cat will merely give it a whack and turn the other way. To assume that you know what will motivate others, is a huge assumption.
People are different. People are finicky. A box of Krispy Kremes may be a sugar coated paradise for one person but an insulin shock to another. So, to avoid the inadvertent mishap of killing someone with kindness, it’s best to erase our assumptions about them and their preferences.
Oh no! What does that mean? What are we without our assumptions and stories of others? Well, first of all, we are more informed. Assumptions are created in our minds about others and they have absolutely not truth unless verified. The simplest way to clarify assumptions is to ask. Yes, just ask.
Asking people directly will enable you to get a clear unobstructed view into their preferences. Everyone has a motivator. Whether it’s a paid afternoon off, free lunch, verbal kudos or a hazelnut double shot soy mocha--we all have something that will send a smile to our face.
Motivation is a crucial part of management. It helps improve morale and raises productivity. A key to being a good motivator is to know what others consider rewarding. So, before your next offer of free doughnuts is met with uncomfortable silence or sideways glances, consider asking others for their opinions.
Suggestions for successful motivation:
1. Have all members of your team give you a list of what they consider rewarding. These can be anything from a purchased item to verbal kudos or performing a small task. Motivators are very subjective and will vary from each person.
2. Create a “motivation budget.” The intent is to have some money reserved solely for rewarding staff not to have a large budget that breaks the bank. Be creative.
3. Gather input from staff regarding how you can spend the motivation budget.
4. Be open to the suggestions. I’ll say this again, not everyone likes doughnuts.
5. Follow through with the rewards. Set guidelines and timelines and stick to them! There is no greater morale killer than dangling rewards that never pay off.
6. Be generous with the rewards. The staff is more observant than you think. They can spot a Scrooge a mile away.
7. Be fair with the rewards. Yes, we all have our favorites, but the favorite will soon be office enemy #1 if she/he wins ALL the rewards.
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The
Soul Sense: Trusting Your Intuitive Voice
By Dao H. Mai,
MBA
My
intuition told me to write this article. I had intended to accomplish
other tasks, but my plans were halted when my internet connection suddenly
froze. What was assured to be a 15 minute delay extended indefinitely.
Instead of being frustrated, I glanced out the window to the sun bright
day then looked at my dog—curled up comfortably on the rug. Because
of the disruption, the universe handed her (and me) an unexpected afternoon
treat. We walked to the coffee shop, where I enjoyed my mocha, along with
some chocolates while she basked in the solar heat.
The warmth of the outdoors and the natural air was a rejuvenating break.
She sniffed and marked as I admired the trees and watched their tiny green
leaves dance and flutter in the passing breeze. Our brief time in the
sun shifted my mood to a different plane where I sensed a message after
I returned to my desk, ready for more internet research.
Now, you must write, the message spoke to me.
I had no intention of writing today, but here I am typing this article.
I will continue to type and let the words flow, not sure why this article
began or how it will end, but I am certain this must be done. I know because
these words are flowing with ease from my intuitive voice. There is a
message that needs to be relayed from me to whomever, perhaps it’s
you?
Intuition isn’t always the punch in the gut feeling that surfaces
before the face of danger. Nor it is a word or image that presents itself
on a billboard or poster that leaves us with an “ah-ha!” It
can be very subtle and if we are not in tuned, we can easily miss it or
explain it away as a passing notion.
I see intuition is an energetic force that operates beyond the physical
and mental plane. It is more aligned with the emotional and the sensing.
So often when people speak of intuition, they refer to a feeling or the
heart. I can just feel it or I know in my heart it’s true. It is
that feeling of rightness, of inarguable knowing that is the essence of
intuition.
I call it the soul sense because it penetrates deep into the core of our
soul. It is the passion that motivates and guides us to the highest and
best. This soul sense is a voice of clarity that moves beyond the fog
of physical yearnings and material desires. When we truly trust our intuition
it will not let us down.
But that is the key, isn’t it—trust, or lack there of?
How often have we been paralyzed by our thoughts? Dwelled too long in
our heads over analyzing every possible detail? Been overwhelmed by decisions?
Failed to act because we’ve lost hope?
Stagnation, confusion, and apathy are indications that we are not trusting
our intuition. We are not believing that we have the power to sift through
the noise and find clarity. When the intuitive trust is absent, we go
to our heads which can lead us farther astray.
So often in our lives, when we lack faith in ourselves, we will stop trusting
our abilities or our inner voice. By doing so, we easily allow the mistrust
to dominate our lives and be influenced by the negativity of others. Soon,
we question and suppress ourselves and allow others to do the same to
us. But the negativity doesn’t dwell solely inside. It spreads.
We begin to treat others with the same mistrust and indignity we afford
ourselves. So, continues the cycle of mistrust and negativity, and on
and on.
Is this where we want to be? Is this a place that’s good for our
soul? We intuitively know that the perpetual cycle of mistrust is no place
for us. But in order to end the cyclic path, we must take a step out of
the path. And that first step begins with trust—to trust that the
inner voice is capable of guiding us to the highest and best.
One way to build trust is to bring the trust to the consciousness. Now,
take a moment to breathe and quiet your mind. Then whisper the words:
trust yourself. Repeat this a little louder. Then say it again, a third
time, and allow it to resonate through your mind, body and breath. This
simple exercise can be performed daily to help strengthen the trust from
within.
So, like the encouragement of a supportive friend, who is always with
you, these two simple words are small steps that can lead you to a stronger
intuitive voice. But this voice must start from inside you, emanating
from your soul. It will find strength and clarity as it resonates outward
into the world.
Intuition is a valuable, intelligent and creative element that we all
possess. If I didn’t allow my soul sense to flourish and guide me,
this article would not have seen the light of day. I hope you encourage
and trust yours to guide you, too!
